The life and times of Esther Avila

Running in circles hitting my head against walls Never learning from the mistakes I make Crying at the thought of all my scrapes and falls Running in circles hitting my head against walls  Waiting for sanity to visit, but reason never calls Losing myself bit by bit, waiting for my soul to finally break Running in circles hitting my head against walls Never learning from the mistakes I make

6/9/2011 she bought a big bed when she turned twenty-five in hopes to one day share it with the love of her life then one day she turned fifty-two and woke to realize half her bed was still brand new where did her time go? how quickly her days went by all she can do now is look back and cry her heart never stopped beating but she never felt alive she spent thirty years trying only to emotionally survive where did her years go? how lonely her days went by all she can do now is lie... she chose privacy and despised being tied down in reality always terrified that in her lonely tears she would drown where did her love go? how quietly her feeling slipped by all she can do now is lay down and die

Silence so thick we can't walk through it, can't move we stop and stare thinking about what the either might be thinking No one says a word both scared to step into the silent space that festers between us holding us at bay. I push myself to speak but I resist. You say nothing as well. How long can this last? The silence  torments me. it's like we are strangers. In a away it's what we have become. I want to cry at the idea that I've lost you and that you've lost me as well. Where have we gone? Wherever we might  be we are certainly not  together. Our love is worn out. Sadly it had only just started. Maybe it only needs a rest.  It needs to regain energy.